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125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Violent.
Yoda speak?
I envitable get a detention, paraphrasing is A detention I enevitably get.
Just switch the parts of the sentence.
Yoda I speak not is like this.
Yeah my endings are abrupt. Meh. Itll smooth out sooner or later. Im working on it.
Ditto Snip Snip, although Yoda is truly awesome. It seemed as if you structured lines this way just for the sake of rhyming. The rhyming scheme, is interesting though, it's not one I come across often. I do like the concept of the poem as a whole, but the rhyming seemed a bit off...and "a detention i inevitably get" really didn't seem to flow. Also I think you could expand on this, as the ending seemed a little abrupt-maybe some more detail about feelings etc, I think you could make something really creepy that way.
I like the yoda-ish way of speaking that you use. But I had to re-read the last couple verses before I got them, might wanna rephrase a couple things so they are... less yoda-ish!
this is an awsome poem sponson, were did you come up with that. we are actualy "typing poems" right now so i came here to look at some good poetry and get some ideas. good stuff, keep writing.